When two people are “in love” it is easy to overlook the “red flag”, ultimately intolerable, differences in how people interact and what they expect of their partner long-term. Unfortunately, all too often these things get “unpacked” in the first year or two of a marriage. The Honeymoon Phase has subsided and the real emotional work often presents itself in arguments and criticisms that seem to the other to come out of nowhere. Pre-marital Counseling addresses the strengths and brings out the differences during the stage when couples are most interested in making things work for each other, and helps to avoid the pitfalls of unexpected needs and concerns.
Some of the important information couples considering a life commitment need to discuss include things like: What their expectations of their partner are around leisure time; Having children, when and how many; What the boundaries around sharing details of their relationship with family/friends should be; Where they will spend their holiday time; What each will contribute financially and what kind of financial system they will employ; What each partner is expected to contribute in household maintenance, etc. These and other individual issues lay the groundwork for future healthy relating and are so much better resolved before difficulties arise. Intimacy differences and needs should also be discussed and how to communicate about sexual expectations and desires is best done before misperceptions and misunderstandings make talking more difficult or embarrassing.